How has it been a freakin month since I updated thing thing already?!? I need to add it to my favorites... I know I don't have all that much interesting to say, but I should have plenty more than that. Maybe something decent will actually come out.
On the baby boy side of things, I went to see my new doctor for the first time last week after the holiday. And I liked her a whole lot better. She actually seemed interested in what was going on and had helpful suggestions for me instead of just ramming a prescription down my throat. She suggested support groups -- I'm not sure if I want to seek anything out or not. On the one hand, it's always nice having people who know what it's like to go through this, but on the other hand, I'm getting really tired of people always trying to outdo me with their "I had it worse" or "I've done that too, me, me, me" crap. Not to be rude, but I would like to work on my own problems for a little while. Maybe it's selfish, I dunno. But it seems like everything with this entire pregnancy has turned into a "well this is what I did" or a "omg mine is doing this or that" and completely ignoring anything I say. I'm tired of being overlooked and invisible to everyone else.
Perhaps I seem testy today... I'm trying very hard to get back to where I was, positive and happy that this little deployment was just chugging along. But this week has been trying my patience. We're in our slow season at work, so I'm afraid I'll either die of boredom or get fired. I've got lots of unresolved issues with lots of people apparently. I don't have the tolerance level that I did before for all of the bullshit. My MIL stepped WAY over the line yesterday, and because of that, I have to completely rethink how I'm going to approach this whole thing. I'm going to be hard pressed to want to bring my son around a person who thinks I'm going to be a terrible mother. Much more worse things were said to me, but suffice it to say, I have the right to be upset and will not be subjecting myself to that anymore.
My first baby shower went pretty well. I'm tired of people tilting their head and saying "awwwwww" when all I do is answer their questions. Is Joel going to be home for the birth? No. That's my answer. Simple, direct. To the point. No crying, no whining, no nothing. I don't need sympathy from anyone, all I need is a little understanding. Telling me how unfair it is that he won't be able to be there and launching into a litany about our current government situation isn't going to do either of us any good. So save it.
We're not far from the 4 month mark, and it's really starting to take it's toll. I know it's temporary, and I know I'll bounce back. But days like this are a bitch. These are the times when it's hard to keep the uncertainty at bay. And there's nothing I can do about it. Who do you talk to about stuff like this? People who know me are tired of hearing about it, and I'm tired of talking about it - but sitting and stewing is really not working well either. All I can do is hope when I wake up tomorrow, it'll be better.
I just wish I could hear his voice...
